shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Randomize
