I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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