I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
