I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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