It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
