Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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