it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
