Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize