You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
