She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
