peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
