I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
