things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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