hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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