Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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