i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
