I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
