D3 body, D1 cock
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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