I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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