Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
