she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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