You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
