the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
