thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
