At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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