please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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