I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
