That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
