I want to have your abortion
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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