ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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