No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
