I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
