At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
