great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
