my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
