I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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