Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
