mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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