my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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