I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
