You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
