i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
