It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
