my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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