All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
