But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
