Non-Jews are for practice
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
