You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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