Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
