Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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