I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
