i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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