"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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