Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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