Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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