I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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