Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
