one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
