porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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